ITS ELECTION TIME AGAIN HIP HIP HOORAY!

Warning Warning! I’m about to start going on about politics. Irish politics at that. So anyone with low pain thresholds please skip along to the next item now.

Still here? Well in case you haven’t guessed, its election time in Ireland at the moment. This month, we the proud citizens of the Republic of Ireland being of reasonably sound mind will go to the polls and elect a new government which we hope will be capable of governing us for the next five years.

The main reason I’m telling you this is to warn those of you who might be visiting Ireland soon to be on the lookout. For you will almost certainly be accosted by gangs of roving politicians looking to shake your hand and kiss your baby if you have one. They will be looking for your vote of course. So do us all a favour and don’t whatever you do admit to being a tourist. Instead put on your best Irish accent and complain loudly to them about the state of our roads and our decrepit health care system. Or better yet don’t put on an Irish accent. Ask them how they are going to resolve the nurses dispute and where they stand on stamp duty. That ought to throw them.

If you plan on being in Ireland in the next couple of weeks then the following rough guide might come in handy for small talk in a bar. You will impress the locals for sure. The outgoing government is a coalition between the Fianna Fail party and the much smaller Progressive Democrats. Fianna Fail means Soldiers of Destiny, a rather frightening name for a political party which is why everyone sticks with the Irish name. The coalition has been led for 10 years by Taoiseach (pronounced “tee-shock”) Bertie Ahern. Known as the Teflon Taioseach for his remarkable ability to shrug off incompetence and scandal, Bertie, even after 10 years in power is still the man to beat. His primary talent, and it’s a good one, is his seeming inability to be disliked by anyone.

Trying to grab the reins of power from Bertie’s ever popular hands is a rainbow coalition of Fine Gael, Labour and probably the Greens. They are led by Fine Gael’s Enda Kenny, a man trying hard to convince us he has what it takes to lead the country. Few are convinced, but many may just vote for Enda and his party in order to get rid of Fianna Fail. Ten years is a long time to be listening to the same bunch of politicians.

So it’s a toss up. Back the old reasonably reliable horse? Or stick your tenner on an unknown nag? Well, I still haven’t made up my mind. But I will, and I’m sure glad that every five years they remember to ask my opinion.